What it Really Means, Part Two: Oddkin’s Dictionary of Political Terms

Image result for politics pics

A couple of weeks ago, I published a short dictionary of theological and spiritual terms; now it’s time I do the same for political terms.

So for those of you who don’t know the meaning a certain word or phrase in the current political discourse, here you go.

Please remember, this is meant to be humorous (though my humor is admittedly quite morbid at times):

 

Alt-right – a cool, hip kind of racism.

Anarchist – someone who wants to bring the system down, but tries to benefit from it at the same time.

Anarcho-primitivist – A rich kid who takes pride in looking and smelling like a hobo.

Basket of Deplorables  – What Hillary Clinton is getting for Christmas.

Blue Lives Matter – Political campaign for the rights of smurfs.

Capitalist – someone who profits off the labor of others, but cries foul when others do the same.

Communist – Anyone whose political views are more liberal than my own.

Conservative – Someone who believes all rich white men are created equal.

Conspiracy Theory – Widely believed “news” story that has little or no factual basis. “I read it on the Internet, so it must be true!”

DAPL – acronym for “Defrauder’s Authorization to Plunder the Land.”

Democrat – Someone who wants the empire to die slowly and painfully.

Election – Process where Americans find the most despicable people on the planet and give them positions of power.

Fascist – Anyone whose political views are more conservative than my own.

Green Party – A large gathering of potheads.

Heritage Not Hate – Bumper sticker that means,  “I’m a stupid POS who deserves to have my truck set on fire.”

Hillary – least-popular name for a girl born in 2016.

Isolationist – Someone who has the audacity to suggest that maybe we shouldn’t be trying to police the whole world.

Jesus – Someone who is sick and tired of his name being used in political campaigns.

Kardashians – The people who actually run America.

Liberal – Someone who believes we should all be equally miserable.

Libertarian – An anarchist who wants to be rich.

Libertarian Socialist – Someone who believes in both limited government and redistribution of wealth. Slightly less common than the unicorn.

Make America Great Again – Campaign slogan meaning “I’m going to screw you, and you’re going to act like you enjoy it.”

Nationalism – Most popular religion in the United States.

The Onion – The most accurate news-source, currently.

Politics – Compound word formed from the terms “poly” (many) and “ticks” (blood-sucking leeches.)

Propaganda – Whatever my political opponent says.

Qdoba – Where Donald Trump goes for “ethnic” food.

Republican – Default political party of the religious right.

Socialist – A communist who hasn’t come out of the closet yet.

TRUMP – acronym for “That Rubbish Under My Porch.”

USA – acronym for “Underwater, Sedated and Apathetic.”

Vulgarity – Most common form of political speech.

West Russia – Nation formerly known as “the United States of America.”

Xenophobe – Someone who hates foreigners – except those that are good for business, of course.

Youtube – Where most Americans get their political news.

Zero – Chances of electing a “good” candidate to office.

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One thought on “What it Really Means, Part Two: Oddkin’s Dictionary of Political Terms

  1. Love the basket of deplorables and polyticks… but there’s something not quite right about Xenophobes ( yeah, yeah i know…). I mean: how do they describe foreigners?? Some would say Barack Obama was a foreigner and not believe he was born in the USA. What about Chinese/Japanese ( or wherever) who move to the States and then become extreme xenophobes wanting to send all immigrants back to where they came from all without the slightest sense of irony?? Are black Americans or latino Americans still foreigners even after say 5 generations of living and being born in the country? Am I a xenophobe if i employ black people in my company as executives but refuse to rent my hotel rooms/apartments to them? It gets complicated.

    love.

    Like

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