How to Identify an Abominable Snowman: A Biblical Guide

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Winter seems to be sticking around this year, so I thought I might discuss something some people may have seen this winter: the Yeti, or Abominable Snowman.

Very little is known about this mythical beast, and many who claim to have seen an Abominable Snowman probably didn’t really see any such thing. Nevertheless, I suspect that the Abominable Snowman, while elusive, really does exist.

To help make things clearer, I put together a biblical guide to identifying an Abominable Snowman. Such a snowman is known by his “abominations,” so he’s probably guilty of at least one of the following things which the Bible calls abominations:

-He eats sea creatures not having fins and scales, ospreys, eagles, or things that “creepeth upon the earth” (Lev 11:10-13, 41-42).

-He lies with a snowman as one would lie with a snow-woman (Lev 18:22).

-He makes graven images of snow gods (Deut 7:25).

-He wears clothing belonging to a snow-person of the other sex (Deut 22:5).

-He makes his living as a snow-whore, and brings this money into the temple (Deut 23:17-18).

-He turns away from the true snow god (Prov 3:32).

-He has a proud look, spreads lies, sheds innocent blood, devises wicked plans, runs after evil, or sows discord among his fellow snow-people (Prov 6:16-19).

-He justifies wicked snow-people, and condemns just snow-people (Prov 17:15).

-He makes dishonest weights and measures (Prov 20:10, 23).

-He eats pigs or mice (Isaiah 66:17).

-He oppresses poor and needy snow-people (Ezek 18:12).

-He sleeps with his fellow snowman’s wife (Ezek 22:11).

-He seeks the glory of other snowmen rather than that of the snow god (Luke 16:15).

If the snowman in question does any of these things, there’s a good chance he is in fact an Abominable Snowman. Even so, we shouldn’t let our hearts be consumed with hatred for the snowman.

Remember, we must always love the snowman – even if we hate the snow.

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